Growing Back shout outs to Dr. Holub, Peter Kahrman and his Life Growth workshops, and Vitolo Rossini

Once again, last night I found myself explaining in layperson's term basic brain factoids to a friend. She proposed the tired misinformation that "the wires of the brain grow back-- and better than ever." I explained that if there is axon shearing, the axons cannot regenerate. When the axons are not sheared, the dendrites can re-connect but there are some difficulties inherent in the process.

Using my arms to represent the axons and fingers to represent the dendrites, I demonstrated that some of the 'wires' reconnect correctly, some reconnect in the wrong places, and a few grow back but do not reconnect at all. I told her about cognitive slowing-- traveling along dirt roads rather than on the expressways. I also told her that when dendrites do not reconnect, there is the resultant central nervous system tremor (something which I myself do have). Thus, one of the side effects of healing is the presence and worsening of a symptom (the tremor) which some of us did not have before. "Well, I'm optimistic," the friend said. "I'm hopeful."

I am also hopeful. Yet my hope lays in a different direction. I am enough of a realist to know that my own brain damage (the words "brain injury" is a nicer way to describe these profound life-altering changes in brain functioning) will not revert to its' former state of affairs and be good as new. My hope is to be able to deal with what is in an effective loving manner. Of course I keep exercising my brain daily in order to access as much improvement as I can. Yet I also continue to employ workarounds for those times when my damaged brain clamps down on my ability to function.

When well-meaning people say, "Oh but the brain rewires itself," I feel discounted. That is not their intention perhaps, but that is my first reaction. When people say, "Oh but I have [insert troublesome symptom] too," I feel that my own experience with brain damage is being trivialized. There is something within us all perhaps that wishes to normalize the traumatic. It is not a kindness to paint masterpieces of normalcy with the brush strokes of my pain. Because what happened within my brain and within the brains of all survivors of brain injury, is not within the realms of average mundane existence.

I have a fairly clear picture of where my brain damage is and the resultant challenges based on medical testing. I have the results of my M.R.I. in an oversized brown envelope at home. I also have the results of my neuropsych testing done at a brain and spinal cord injury rehabilitation hospital. The M.R.I. films and the final report written by a neuropsych demonstrate in black and white the stark reality of my brain injury.

People in recovery from drug addiction (including the drug alcohol) often claim that they have brain damage in an off-handed way. Years ago, I too had also made this claim in my own ignorance. Indeed, what triggered last night's conversation was a dear friend joking about not having two brain cells left to rub together. I remember what my early recovery from the bondage of addiction was like. When comparing the state of my being then to the state of my being after my motor vehicle accident, I find a vast difference between my former unfounded claims and my present reality. Personally, I would prefer that people in recovery and others quit trying to join our ranks unless they have films and neuropsych reports to back their claims.

Brain damage is a profound alteration in functioning imposed by structural changes. The next time you run into a former co-worker at the mall who did not return to work after her accident and she tells you she has a brain injury now, please endeavor to cast aside your own denial instead of discounting the results of her professional testing. If a survivor of a traumatic brain injury shares his pain over recurring troublesome symptoms, please do not attempt to join our ranks with your claim that you "have that too." And people in recovery, please stop saying that you have damaged your brain unless you have medical evidence to back up your claims.

For myself, I strive to keep addressing my defensiveness and to provide basic brain education where possible in a caring and respectful way. Some of you may know of my involvement with the virtual world of Second Life (registered copyright of Linden Labs). I have a role model there, a young man who is himself a t.b.i. survivor. Vito also uses opportunities as they come up in his daily encounters to educate the masses. I've seen Vito in action. He has far more patience than I do when he encounters brain myths. Vito does not present as being defensive. Vito listens quietly and chooses his words carefully. His ending to every conversation is a bow and the words, "With respect."

sapphoq healing t.b.i.

Labels: acquired brain injury, brain, brain+damage, t.b.i., traumatic+brain+injury

  ¶ 4:58 AM 0 comments links to this post

  A Different Kind of Post 7/31/08
My two favorite songs with the word "Brain" in the title:

Pink Floyd, Brain Damage http://www.lyricsfreak.com/p/pink+floyd/brain+damage_20108608.html

Ray Bolger, If I Only Had a Brain
http://www.jumbojimbo.com/lyrics.php?songid=2539&type=chords

***

One parody song I found that I like and some lyrics written by kids:

Phil Alexander, Brain Glops Keep Fallin' From My Head
http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/bjthomas8.shtml

Neuroscience for Kids, Brain Songs (collected)
http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/songs.html

***

Singers and bands I've heard of although I am unfamiliar with these songs:

Malvina Reynolds, D.D.T. on My Brain
http://www.wku.edu/~smithch/MALVINA/mr029.htm

Green Day, Brain Stew
http://www.musicbabylon.com/artist/Green_Day/
Internation_Superhits/42486-brain_stew-lyrics.htm

Pearl Jam, Brain of J
http://www.twin-music.com/artist_p/pearl_jam_lyrics/brain_of_j_lyrics.html

Justin Timberlake, Still On My Brain
http://www.goldlyrics.com/song_lyrics/justin_timberlake/justified/still_on_my_brain/

System of a Down, Ego Brain
http://www.fruitylyrics.com/song/System%2BOf%2BA%2BDown/Ego%2BBrain/

Bob Marley, Brain Washing
http://www.poemhunter.com/song/brain-washing/

Eminem, Brain Damage
http://www.lyricsbay.com/e/eminem/braindamage.html
http://www.lyricskeeper.com/eminem-lyrics/10579-brain_damage-lyrics.htm

***
Singers, bands, and songs that I don't recognize and probably never heard of:

New Brain Soundtrack, Trouble in His Brain
http://www.nomorelyrics.net/new_brain_soundtrack-lyrics/
225300-trouble_in_his_brain-lyrics.html

Annihilator, Brain Dance
http://www.musicsonglyrics.com/A/annihilatorlyrics/annihilatorbraindancelyrics.htm

Deine Lakaien, Brain Fic
http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/d/deinelakaien12429/brainfic451236.html

Pinky and The Brain, Theem Song
http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/p/pinky_and_the_brain/theem_song.html

Paisley Brain Cell, Paisley Brain Storm
http://www.elyrics.net/read/p/paisley-brain-cells-lyrics/paisley-brainstorm-lyrics.html

Jimi the Jet, Song About My Brain
http://www.completealbumlyrics.com/lyric/50561/
Jimi+the+Jet+-+SONG+ABOUT+MY+BRAIN.html


Gene Vincent, Flea Brain
http://www.songlyrics.com/song-lyrics/Gene_Vincent/
Miscellaneous/FLEA_BRAIN/179014.html

Blood for Blood, Evil in the Brain
http://www.musicsonglyrics.com/B/bloodforbloodlyrics/bloodforbloodevilinthebrainlyrics.htm


sapphoq healing t.b.i. and having fun

Labels: brain, lyrics

  ¶ 1:34 AM 0 comments links to this post

  OF ALTARS 2/14/07 My first teacher taught me to use my brain as the ultimate tool.
In fact, I knew nothing of casting circles-- I had learned how to
go on those soul voyages in dreaming, the care and feeding of
gris-gris bags, and rudimentary protection skills using bath salts.
[Conjure bags filled with common kitchen herbs and stones, and
bath salts were the only things she allowed me along with a tarot
deck. Since I didn't know about other tools or altars, I didn't mind].
I had no official altar for many years.

My first physical altar was a piece of wood onto which I had
used magic markers to designate the four directions and had
also inscribed some astrological symbols on.
I had run into a description of how to set up an altar and that was
my result. I kept it in the bathroom and laid it over the sink when
I wanted to use it to light candles or burn incense for specific
things I perceived I needed or wanted.

In this house, I have a circle altar where I do circle work, a moon
altar, an ancestors' altar all in one room which is warded. Also
a mini-shrine to Yemayah in the bathroom. Rocks all over the
house. [I love rocks.] A room of frogs which I also consider
to be sacred space [though not exactly what the authors of
all those books I got had in mind]. And a "witch tree"
with stones around it in the backyard. And gris-gris in my car.

After my car accident and traumatic brain injury, there was very
little I could do. I spent a couple of months sleeping twenty hours
a day. During that time, any spiritual work I did was basic. I found
a fondness for classical music and insisted that the radio station
playing it be left on all night long. I envisioned Kwan-Yin helping
me to heal up when I was laid up. I renewed my acquaintance
with the blessed darkness and shadows. What I didn't know then
was that I was experiencing photophobia from the brain injury
itself. What I did know was that the sunlight outside the window
was too bright.

As my healing progressed, I became gradually able to return to
a bit of circle work while vertical. And now I can once again enjoy
my surroundings. I no longer curse the sunlight daily. [I got prism
lenses/prescription sunglasses]. Today I still retain that sense
of my surroundings being my altar. My brain remains the
only tool I truly need.

sapphoq healing tbi

Labels: altar, brain, brain+damage, ocular motor dysfunction, pagan, photophobia, prism lenses, t.b.i.

  ¶ 1:57 AM 0 comments links to this post